he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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