I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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