working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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