I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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