Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
