I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
