I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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