I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
