The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize