how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
