You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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