Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
