walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
