Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
