So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
