Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
