I think my vagina is haunted
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
