Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
