last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
