bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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