No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize