I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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