he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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