I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
