Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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