she told me i tasted like america
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
