Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
