Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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