Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
