Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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