i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
