my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
