All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
