things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
