At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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