It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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