i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize