My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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