why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
