the condom got lost in my hair
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
