It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
