He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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