Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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