I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my being single is dangerous.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
