remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
