My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
