his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
