I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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