I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
