he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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