1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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