the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
