I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
