you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
