in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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