talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
