My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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