Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
