how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
