How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
