i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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