i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
