I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize