I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
