Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
