Kiss
Puke
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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