umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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