at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
